Comments on: Couples, How to Stop Verbal Abuse in Its Tracks http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/ Marriage Counseling, Making Your Relationship Work Wed, 02 May 2012 13:34:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: tracey http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-70 tracey Wed, 02 May 2012 13:34:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-70 i really dont know what to do , i have been with my husband for 20 years and married for 7, he is always calling me names and putting me down and my family, said to me once if i never came in to your life you would be on the streets or living in a council house with the down and outs. you would be like your sister a waster. if i get  like my mum i will be out the door.i have told him this hurts me and on many occasions has had me in tears, hes not happy until this happens. then tells me to grow a back bone, when he comes home from work all i get is him slapping my ass or trying to play fight with me ,i say i dont want to but then calls me a sour old cow im only trying to play with you. i work and when i come home somtimes i want to talk about it , all i get is i dont want hear or im just licking ass, i wanted to do a nvq were i work and asked him about it and all i got is if you cant do it in work time dont bother, all they do is take the piss out of you . i worked on one day and sorted the children out so he didnt have to worry about them, rang him and told him i wouldnt be home untill 8pm the children are fine got my friend to pick my youngest up untill my oldest  got home, this didnt go down very well at all, i had to say sorry to  my friend because when i got home he had my oldest  child to pick youngest up .my friend didnt know what the hell was going on. then i  got you dont give a shit about your kids always palming them off on someone else. just because he wasnt in control . i really cant take much more, the icing on the cake was i had to go doctors because i had real bad pain in my back, was put off work by my doctor for two weeks with lots of pain killers and diazapan  told to rest , well that was a joke ,my husband was doing the garden and said to me to come and help you need to do something to day, theirs nothing wrong with your back you just putting it on. i had to help him carry railway sleepers. and help him move an oli tank. also ask my husband if he would pick up my sick note from the doctors as he was in town with the car, he replyed i am to busy you will have to get it  when i come back, what got me mad is he had to pass the doctors to come home. i really dont know what to do , i have been with my husband for 20 years and married for 7, he is always calling me names and putting me down and my family, said to me once if i never came in to your life you would be on the streets or living in a council house with the down and outs. you would be like your sister a waster. if i get  like my mum i will be out the door.i have told him this hurts me and on many occasions has had me in tears, hes not happy until this happens. then tells me to grow a back bone, when he comes home from work all i get is him slapping my ass or trying to play fight with me ,i say i dont want to but then calls me a sour old cow im only trying to play with you. i work and when i come home somtimes i want to talk about it , all i get is i dont want hear or im just licking ass, i wanted to do a nvq were i work and asked him about it and all i got is if you cant do it in work time dont bother, all they do is take the piss out of you . i worked on one day and sorted the children out so he didnt have to worry about them, rang him and told him i wouldnt be home untill 8pm the children are fine got my friend to pick my youngest up untill my oldest  got home, this didnt go down very well at all, i had to say sorry to  my friend because when i got home he had my oldest  child to pick youngest up .my friend didnt know what the hell was going on. then i  got you dont give a shit about your kids always palming them off on someone else. just because he wasnt in control . i really cant take much more, the icing on the cake was i had to go doctors because i had real bad pain in my back, was put off work by my doctor for two weeks with lots of pain killers and diazapan  told to rest , well that was a joke ,my husband was doing the garden and said to me to come and help you need to do something to day, theirs nothing wrong with your back you just putting it on. i had to help him carry railway sleepers. and help him move an oli tank. also ask my husband if he would pick up my sick note from the doctors as he was in town with the car, he replyed i am to busy you will have to get it  when i come back, what got me mad is he had to pass the doctors to come home.

]]> By: jen http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-69 jen Thu, 26 Apr 2012 17:31:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-69 Many abusers won't give up... No matter how long you try to not engage them, many will keep going. Understand that sometimes it is best to get away. Going to counseling made it worse, because he was still controlling, but now he had professional communication techniques in his arsenal. Now he could use what the therapist told him, or the stuff he'd read in books, and tell me that I was abusive and controlling or that I was the one that was having the outbursts. Finally, I just said, "If I'm that bad, maybe it would be best for you to divorce me." And then I realized, although I care deeply about him, and I would miss him horribly, it would be best for me to move on to someone who could accept and love me. (And for me to find someone that I could accept and love completely, because let's face it. Trying to change him from being abusive was trying to change him, and it doesn't feel good to have someone say, "I love you, but you need to change..." Many abusers won’t give up… No matter how long you try to not engage them, many will keep going. Understand that sometimes it is best to get away. Going to counseling made it worse, because he was still controlling, but now he had professional communication techniques in his arsenal. Now he could use what the therapist told him, or the stuff he’d read in books, and tell me that I was abusive and controlling or that I was the one that was having the outbursts.

Finally, I just said, “If I’m that bad, maybe it would be best for you to divorce me.” And then I realized, although I care deeply about him, and I would miss him horribly, it would be best for me to move on to someone who could accept and love me. (And for me to find someone that I could accept and love completely, because let’s face it. Trying to change him from being abusive was trying to change him, and it doesn’t feel good to have someone say, “I love you, but you need to change…”

]]> By: Sunnydaysandrainbows http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-68 Sunnydaysandrainbows Mon, 23 Apr 2012 18:26:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-68 I AM IN A VERBAL DV SITUATION I HAVE 2 KIDS THE FIRST IS NOT HIS AND THE LIL ONE IS HIS AND HE TRIES TO TURN THE KIDS AGAINST ME MAKES ME FEEL SAD AND LOW CALLS ME STUPID AND BAD NAMES  I AM IN A VERBAL DV SITUATION I HAVE 2 KIDS THE FIRST IS NOT HIS AND THE LIL ONE IS HIS AND HE TRIES TO TURN THE KIDS AGAINST ME MAKES ME FEEL SAD AND LOW CALLS ME STUPID AND BAD NAMES 

]]> By: Fit7 http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-66 Fit7 Sun, 25 Mar 2012 14:27:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-66 can these type of people really be fixed? can these type of people really be fixed?

]]> By: Niki24 http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-65 Niki24 Sun, 26 Feb 2012 12:01:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-65 Hey, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years he is either really nice or nasty and really snappy. When I've discussed this with him he says it's my fault. For example if I take the wrong turn when I'm driving somewhere he will call me a moron or idiot and then rant on for at least 15 minutes constantly asking why I have gone away. Another example is if I talk about my family he will just call them mongaloids or thick even if the conversation was nothing to do with there ability. Is this verbal abuse or do you think it is just down to circumstance? Hey, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years he is either really nice or nasty and really snappy. When I’ve discussed this with him he says it’s my fault. For example if I take the wrong turn when I’m driving somewhere he will call me a moron or idiot and then rant on for at least 15 minutes constantly asking why I have gone away. Another example is if I talk about my family he will just call them mongaloids or thick even if the conversation was nothing to do with there ability. Is this verbal abuse or do you think it is just down to circumstance?

]]> By: Maebgr8 http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-63 Maebgr8 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 21:57:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-63 I need help. Mr boyfriend is either nice or not and I never know when he will blow! I've confronted him on his abuse but he back peddles and blames me. The last straw was when I stated my pain due to my hips ( need a total hip repacement) caused me to feel hopless and want to die. He stated to me that he could not deal w my dead body, that I was crazy, and better not do this in his house. I'm sooo hurt!! Is this abuse or an honest answer? I need help. Mr boyfriend is either nice or not and I never know when he will blow! I’ve confronted him on his abuse but he back peddles and blames me. The last straw was when I stated my pain due to my hips ( need a total hip repacement) caused me to feel hopless and want to die. He stated to me that he could not deal w my dead body, that I was crazy, and better not do this in his house. I’m sooo hurt!! Is this abuse or an honest answer?

]]> By: Lynnezellars http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-61 Lynnezellars Fri, 06 Jan 2012 04:09:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-61 I just ignore him. Is that a good tactic? What is the message that Is send him with this reaction. NO REACTION My father was somewhat abusive verbally. I just blow my now boyfriend off. I am hoping he understands the ignoring is meant to mean I think he is stupid to even go there I just ignore him. Is that a good tactic? What is the message that Is send him with this reaction.

NO REACTION

My father was somewhat abusive verbally. I just blow my now boyfriend off. I am hoping he understands the ignoring is meant to mean I think he is stupid to even go there

]]> By: Avignonfr http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-57 Avignonfr Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:27:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-57 Please, please, listen to Lisant.  I was in that situation and with the support of outsiders got out, but only after the abuse became physical--and it usually does.  I could elaborate but just believe the advice of those who have been through it.  I had no family support but I had to save my family and myself.  Again,  PLEASE GET OUT! Please, please, listen to Lisant.  I was in that situation and with the support of outsiders got out, but only after the abuse became physical–and it usually does.  I could elaborate but just believe the advice of those who have been through it.  I had no family support but I had to save my family and myself.  Again,  PLEASE GET OUT!

]]> By: Lisant1987 http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-46 Lisant1987 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 02:08:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-46 Run before relationship goes any further. It will only get worse. Everything is your fault, his anger, his actions...you made him do it. If you have kids and give up your career, then your really stuck.  As I  have been told, "the door is there", "I'll quit my job and we'll loose the house", "I'll let the kids starve", "you're worthless because you don't have a job but don't expect me to help with the kids if you get a job.. better be only during school hours", etc. etc. etc. Classic signs of verbal abuse.  Wait until attacking you isn't enough and he attacks your kids. This usually starts around 6 yrs. old.  Before that, the kids confusion to the situation doesn't give him his control or  power. As I said RUN!!! Run before relationship goes any further. It will only get worse. Everything is your fault, his anger, his actions…you made him do it. If you have kids and give up your career, then your really stuck.  As I  have been told, “the door is there”, “I’ll quit my job and we’ll loose the house”, “I’ll let the kids starve”, “you’re worthless because you don’t have a job but don’t expect me to help with the kids if you get a job.. better be only during school hours”, etc. etc. etc. Classic signs of verbal abuse.  Wait until attacking you isn’t enough and he attacks your kids. This usually starts around 6 yrs. old.  Before that, the kids confusion to the situation doesn’t give him his control or  power. As I said RUN!!!

]]> By: christian counseling http://vitalrelationships.com/couples-how-to-stop-verbal-abuse-in-its-tracks/comment-page-1/#comment-45 christian counseling Mon, 29 Aug 2011 10:12:00 +0000 http://www.vitalrelationships.com/blog/?p=290#comment-45 Listen to your feelings and believe them. Don’t believe it when an abuser tells you you’re crazy or wrong or that you can’t take a joke. Listen to your feelings and believe them. Don’t believe it when an
abuser tells you you’re crazy or wrong or that you can’t take a joke.

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